Sparkles

Change

2008-03-10T22:18:00.002-04:00

In a few short weeks my life will change once again. After a few interviews and lots of himming and hawwing, Midas accepted a new job in a new place.

The organization has a very long name and goes by a crazy acronym. As such, I renamed it with my own moniker, C3PO.

C3PO will pay Midas lots of money, give him a nice signing bonus, many vacation days, and long term job security. However, C3PO is located in a big city. *sparkles* likes to visit big cities but has no desire to live in one. In fact, I am confident that I will have to live in a small cardboard box in the ghetto, be mugged while riding public transportation since traffic will be horrendous, and not be able to get a decent job. I will probably make $3 per hour and have to sell my plasma to keep up with my shoe addiction.

This is one change to which I am not looking forward.

To make things even more spicy, I need to stay put in my current job until the end of August (at the earliest). So, in order to have more time together, we have to geo-bachelor again.

Great. Oh joy. Hip-hip-hooray.

Anybody wanna come to my pity party?

Inspired

2008-02-10T11:06:00.000-05:00

On Saturday after a late breakfast, Midas turned on the television and found that Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle was playing. What a stupid yet addictive movie. I haven't watched that trashy movie in years and Midas has only seen bits and pieces of it underway so of course we hunkered down on a rainy/snowy afternoon to be entertained.

During the first commerical break, we saw an ad for the Country Steak & Egg Toaster Sandwich at America's Drive-In, Sonic. We both commented that it looked very yummy. To placate this craving, Midas went to the pantry and grabbed some chips for us to munch on.

A few commercial breaks later, Sonic was on the screen again tempting us with their new Java Chillers. All the while, Harold and Kumar kept talking about how satisfying it would be when they were able to eat at White Castle.

Another Sonic advertisement came on dangling Apple Caramel Bites in front of our impressionable minds. At this point, Midas and I both said that we wanted Sonic for dinner.

Finally, Harold and Kumar's quest was over and we were left hungry yet inspired. When Midas asked me what we should do for the rest of the day, I responded with the only reasonable answer possible. Let's go to Sonic.

Sounds easy enough, right? However, not unlike our stoner-buddies, we would be in for quite a trip should we embark upon this journey. Of course, me being the planner I am grabbed my computer and hopped on Sonic's website to find out where the nearest restaurant is.

The nearest Sonic is three states away and over 160 miles from our abode. This is ridiculous. How could anyone in good faith air commericials for tasty junk food during a movie about a quest for tasty junk food and then not have their dang restuarant within a reasonable driving distance. Extremely disappointing.

Now, out of sheer principle alone I will never be able to eat at a Sonic and enjoy a super sonic burger, a slush, or extra-long chili cheese coney. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I am the queen of holding grudges.

What is your favorite fast food treat?

Seven

2008-01-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

So Stacie has tagged me to list with Seven Weird Things about myself.

Here goes...

1. I eat the same thing every day for lunch at work.

carrots
piece of fruit (75% of the time this is a pear. Every now and then I jazz it up with a banana or apple)
toast (plain bread if I haven't made it to the toaster by 1:30)
granola bar
Lindt truffle

2. After dinner I must "chase" my main meal with something chocolate, then something salty, and finally something chewy. I become cranky and think of nothing until the "food chain" this ritual is complete. It doesn't matter if I'm full or out to eat. This still must occur.

3. I will not wear the same pair of shoes to work during the week. Perhaps this explains why I have so many shoes.

4. I cannot sleep beside a window. If you face my bed, I sleep on the right side. When we are sleeping in a different place, if the right side is next to a window, I make Midas switch me places.

5. I am an email pack-rat. It is so hard for me to delete an email. I keep thinking, what if I need to refer back to it and it is gone? This causes a big problem for me as I am almost always at the maximum limit for the email box.

6. Stacie is not the only one who has a hankering for carrots. I too love carrots. One friend even nicknamed me "baby carrots". At times I have consumed so many carrots that my hands turned orange. Other things have turned orange as well but I'd rather not talk about that.

7. Words beginning with "r" or have an "ro" in them are very hard for me to pronounce. I have to make a conscious effort to say them correctly. For example, I will say that a lion growls rather than roars. I say bunny rather than rabbit. It is a very good thing that I did not marry a man named "Roy" or "Troy". I don't think it would have lasted long.

I've Been Robbed

2008-01-13T11:20:00.001-05:00

I took a trip to see my sister over Thanksgiving. Since she and I share the bargain shopping gene, she was the best pick for my black Friday adventure. Now, visiting my sister involved quite a trek so I stayed a few days and got to know my niece a little bit better.

One afternoon, the family decided to go to the gym. My sister and her husband like to go on the treadmills while my 4-year old niece enjoys the massive indoor swimming pool complete with 3 story water slides. I said that I would go to the pool with my niece so that my sister could have some down time. Oh did we ever have fun in the pool! We splashed, went down the slides, dove under the water, and just had some good times. At 6:00, the lifeguard blew his whistle signaling that the pool was closed.

We got out and headed over to our towels. At first, I thought I just went up to the wrong chair but after a minute of scanning the side of the pool I couldn't find my pile of stuff. I asked my niece if she saw it anywhere but she said no. I looked up and down the row of chairs and even asked the lifeguard if he had taken anything into the lost and found. Nothing.

I couldn't believe that someone had taken my stuff. I didn't loose anything of great value but I'm a little skeeved out at what the thief had taken. Some romper-room-reject stole my $1.99 swim dress, ratty-old (yet sparkly) flip flops, and a half empty water bottle. I mean who would want someone else's nasty old flip flops and back-washed water? Yuck!

I totally forgot about this incident until I stumbled upon a pair of replacement sparkly flip flops this morning at T*arget.

Have you ever been robbed?

Goodbye 2007

2008-01-01T20:36:00.000-05:00

Last week Poop and Boogies recapped his 2007. Now, my friends and I enjoy a good recap. In fact, I don't feel that my day is complete unless I have reviewed at least two events with a friend or family member. Therefore, I like the idea of revisiting 2007 in preparation of putting a tough year behind me.

Travel:

I visited the following places in 2007-

The Poconos
State College
Boston
New York City
Nassau, Bahamas
Phoenix
Memphis
Las Vegas

Relationships:

Many of my friends moved in 2007 leaving me lonely enough to start a blog. I said till next time to-

Stacie
Scarlett
Damay
Jennifer (OK, she didn't move out of the state but she did move out of my office)

Luckily, I was able to meet a few new folks-

Miranda
Sarah

Career:

It was a busy year on this side of the house. While some of these accomplishments were long overdue, at least they are now on my "been there, done that" list.

Earned my Master's degree
Promoted to a new position and "in charge" of two troubled areas
Supervising 4 more people
Selected for and attended a leadership program
Working more hours than ever in hopes of keeping my head above water and to forget that Midas' head is below water

Struggles:

It was a tough year for me but I made it through. Here are a few of the challenges I dealt with.

Learning that Midas would go on yet another deployment
The basement flood
Locking myself out of the house on a chilly night
Supporting Midas' decision to resign even though he is on the down slope to retirement
Loosing the physical presence of key people in my support network
Dealing with a nasty leak in the ceiling
2 big snowfalls with no snow removal plans
Figuring out what to do with my time once I was done with my Master's degree and Midas being away

I'm anxious to see what 2008 will bring as there will be so many changes. What is your favorite memory of 2007?

Best Day After Christmas Shopping Ever

2007-12-26T10:01:00.001-05:00

And, I shopped from home in my pjs and robe:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SKU NAME QTY PRICE SUBTOTAL

59103036 Coconut Cream Santa, 4 cases of 36 bars $8.64 $34.56-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Total = $44.58

For those of you who have math issues, yes you are reading that correctly, I ordered 144 coconut creme Santas. If you add this to the Santas already purchased at local stores, I should be well stocked until summer.

Hmmmm, coconut creme Santa!

Can I Get Fries With That?

2007-12-23T17:55:00.000-05:00

My mother isn't the only one with a sense of humor in my family. My dad is known as a prankster too. However, his jokes are well planned.

At the rehearsal dinner the night before my wedding we ate at a very fancy restaurant. The menu included such dishes as Pistachio Crusted Rack of Lamb and Seared Sushi Quality Ahi Tuna. As the waiter took every one's order he asked what side the person wanted. Sauteed Mushrooms, Garlicky Spinach, and Mediterranean Rice were heard over and over again round the table. As the waiter went to leave the room to put in our orders, Matt, a groomsman called him back and said: "excuse me but could I get french fries instead". The waiter made a face and responded, "of course sir". Then simultaneously about half of the wedding party (myself included) said "change mine to fries too".

We all had a good chuckle over this for the rest of the evening. Here we are in a fancy-schmancy restaurant eating foo-foo food with fries.

The next evening at my wedding reception, my father grabbed the microphone to make an announcement. I don't remember his words exactly but he complimented Midas' choice of friends and said that he had a special present for one of them.

In case you can't make it out, that's my Dad on the left and Matt on the right with a plate of french fries. I just love my dad!

Traditions

2007-12-07T21:52:00.000-05:00

Inspired by Lisa, I've decided to write about my favorite holiday traditions.

1. Cutting down the tree. Midas and I have always liked to have real Christmas trees. Real big trees too. In our first house, we had great vaulted ceilings which allowed for 15 foot trees. Those were the days. The second house permitted tall trees as well but apparently they don't believe in big trees in the Midwest as we could never find a tree over 10 feet tall. My current abode is not built for such trees but we still try to find one that scrapes the ceiling. This year with Midas gone, he sent me a boxwood tree so that I still had a good tree. It's cute and real but I miss our tradition of traipsing out to the tree farm and searching for "the one".

2. Lisa isn't the only one who watches "A Christmas Story" on TNT. I must watch this movie over and over all Christmas day long. It is the only movie that I can watch repeatedly. Last year I was terribly ill at Christmastime, even had to go to the emergency room on Christmas eve. While I was recovering, Midas took good care of me by giving me ginger ale, feeding me grapes and saltines, and by keeping my movie on in the background.

3. Every year we have Christmas for Random People. We make all the fixings and invite our friends over for Christmas dinner. In addition to friends we invite random people. We've had single people from work, friends of a friend, Midshipmen, you name it and they have been at our table for Christmas.

4. Getting Christmas cards. I love getting Christmas cards. The ones from friends are best but I still like the ones we get from our accountant, distant relatives, and even the crazy church ladies at Midas' mother's church whom we have never met (they send cards to service members). I'm not a big believer in the Christmas letter but I still count it as a Christmas card.

5. Day after Christmas shopping. There is nothing like the feeling of getting the fancy gift wrap and cards at 50% off for next year. I'm already plotting what I'll be getting in a few weeks.

What is your favorite tradition?

Today I Wore PRADA

2007-12-01T22:15:00.000-05:00

Yes, today for the very first time I wore P*R*A*D*A. Real P*R*A*D*A. A fabulous Italian wool suit. The cut was exquisite. A jacket with tailored seaming hugged my body emphasizing every curve. The skirt hit below the knees with a slight ruffle. Ahhh, the good life.

No I was not dreaming. I was at TJs. Let me start from the beginning. I was shopping with a friend at TJs. She was looking at the handbags while I moved onto the coats and suits. I'm not into puffy coats so my time looking at that rack was quick. Next, I moved to the suits. I quickly flipped through my size and saw a price tag for $399. Ouch I thought, what on Earth costs this much at TJs? Slowly I moved the price tag to see the tag on the fabric and I could not believe my eyes. Did it really say P*R*A*D*A? Yes it did. I removed the hanger from the rack and went to find my friend. She is just as thrifty as me, if not more. I decided to have a little fun and showed her the price. She gasped! Then I showed her the label. Once again she gasped! I've never touched P*R*A*D*A before she said quietly and took her hand to smooth the fabric.

She asked if I was going to try it on. I responded by saying that if I tried it on and it looked good then I would have to buy it. She disagreed and said that my buying it was not an option (always on the lookout for a good bargain but we both have our limits). We had to call another friend for a third opinion. Ultimately, me, my friend, and the suit went to the dressing room. It was there, for the first time in my life, that I wore a P*R*A*D*A suit. It was short-lived but an experience none-the-less.

PS: The official reason that I did not purchase this suit is that it was a teensy-tiny bit tight across the shoulders. Yeah, that's right, it just didn't fight as good as it could. Um, uh-huh. Couldn't justify buying yet another piece of clothing that isn't perfect. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Scarlett is Making Me Share

2007-11-30T22:03:00.000-05:00

Ok...so Scarlett tagged me. As I don't know how to do all the fancy things she told me to do, I'm just going to list the 7 random things she's requested.

7 Random Things About *sparkles*

I play silly video games online. I rock at Alchemy. I've played this game for at least six years now and have achieved Master and Grand Alchemist levels. I think I got a higher level one time but I can't really remember.
Most people think I'm really sweet and nice. However I have the temper of the incredible hulk. I try to keep it in check but Midas has seen me turn green once or twice.
I love Adam Sandler. Really. I think he's hot. Yum. Purrrrr. Yea Yeah. I want me some of that.
I talk to my cats in German. Das ist richtig! Haben sie eine Problem mit dem? Sie sind meine Katzen und ich liebe sie. Folglich kann ich tun, was ich wünsche. Urteil nicht verabschieden oder ich drehe Grün auf dir.
At one point in my life I had the ability to solve Schrodinger's wave equation. Now it just looks like a bunch of squiggly lines to me. I have guilt about this loss of skill and it makes me feel like I'm not smart anymore.
I have Dermatosiophobia (a fear of skin diseases and rashes). I freak out when I get the littlest bump or mark on my skin. B*enadryl and anti-fungal creme are my friends.
During my last shopping trip I purchased nine bras. What...they were on sale!

The Muzzy

2007-11-17T23:19:00.000-05:00

A few posts ago, I graced you with a picture of Midas with facial hair. Now it is well established that I am not a fan of my husbando with such accoutrement. However while on deployment it is almost a right of passage for the boys to compete in a moustache match. Scarlett could tell you stories of how big daddy won a prize for the most porn-star-like stache during his last underway. Some guys will sport a fu manchu or walrus while others opt for a Charlie C*haplin. Of course, there is always one poor guy who doesn't can't grow his manly muff. Last deployment, Midas grew his homicidal-axe maniac coiffure. This time though, he decided to shake things up a bit.

Perhaps it is because he once heard me profess how I had a crush on a certain Latino California Highway Patrolman as a little girl. I'm not sure. However, I do find it ironic that he decided to grow his muzzy into what the World Beard & Moustache Championships might describes as the "chops". Whatever his reason, one thing is for sure. It made me laugh!

Four Play

2007-11-05T22:21:00.000-05:00

Ok, it's my first tag. I'm nervous. What does this tag really mean? Will Scarlett's Big Daddy chase me through the woods in hopes of shooting me and hanging my carcass on the wall in her dining room?

Anyhoo, wish me luck.

4 Jobs I've had

College Administrator
Functional Analyst
Chemistry Teacher
Drug Store Clerk

4 Movies I can watch over and over

A Christmas Story
A Christmas Story
A Christmas Story
A Christmas Story

4 Places I have lived

In a gated community
In a co-ed dorm
In a townhouse
424 Waupelani Drive

4 Places I have been to on holiday

Alaska
Paris
Cancun
Bahamas

4 Websites I visit daily

Just My Rambling
Covenant Lutheran
Dear Abby
Hotmail

4 Favorite dishes

Chips N Salsa!
Chinese Buffet
Coconut Cream Santa or Pumpkin
French Onion Sun Chips

4 Places I'd rather be right now

With Midas
Getting a massage
On holiday
Hanging out with the DKCs

4 People I'm tagging

PG

2007-11-05T19:40:00.000-05:00

Two weekends ago my parental units spent a few days at my abode. We did the usual activities, went shopping, rented numerous movies, and just sat around visiting (as Scarlett would say). I showed mom how to log into her email from my computer, read her silly jokes to her as she cannot use the laptop (the mouse-thing messes her up), and looked for something called wine-gums online. That was our technology time. We also had some bonding time...burping.

Yep, mom and I had a burping contest. Whist watching a movie, mom asked me to pour her a glass of soda. I obliged and also got myself a drink. A few sips later my mother let out a little burp. Did she excuse herself as she long ago taught her daughter?

No.

Being the smart alec I am, I said "oink oink". She giggled. No more had I admonished the woman who gave me life than I let out a belch myself. Her giggle grew into a guffaw but we did not speak of the faux pas we were committing. We volleyed back and forth for a while trying to subtly outdo one another. Silence finally fell and we continued to watch the movie.

Without warning, the grand daddy of all gas bubbles overtook my mother. I think I saw her lips quiver similar to how Barney from the Simpsons acts after chugging a Duff. Of course this happened mid-drink which caused me to spew my soda out. At that time I proclaimed her the winner.

Mom 1, Sparkles 0

Birthday Wishes

2007-11-01T20:55:00.000-04:00

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes everyone. While I appreciate them so much, especially being sans Midas, I do feel that I must clarify the details.

First, let's set the record straight. It is not my birthday, well at least not yet. It will be in a few days so I have over a week to slather on more wrinkle cream, eat more vitamins, and get more beauty sleep to ward off the aging zombies.

Second, while I love Stacie, and she is a great friend, she is self-admittedly bad at math. Since some of you may not be aware of Stacie math, let me give you a lesson. In Stacie math, the number seven actually means zero. See the proof below:

twenty five seven equals 32__Given
25+7=32______________Rewrite using numerals
7=0_________________ Definition of Seven (in Stacie Math)
25+0=32_____________ Substitution of variables
25+0≠32_____________ Rules of arithmetic
25+0=0+25=25________ Additive Identity
Therefore Sparkles is 25___ Q.E.D.

Lastly, we all have heard about how Stacie confuses her words. This is another case in point. When she said that she's not allowed to mention something about 30s, she must have really meant that she's not supposed to mention that I'm only turning 25. You see, Midas is much, much, much older than me and he's a little sensitive about having such a young wife (you know robbing the cradle jokes and all). So really, Stacie isn't supposed to mention me being so young.

See, now that clears things up perfectly!

Mom's Merry Mondays

2007-10-22T23:08:00.000-04:00

Here is another Halloweeny themed Monday courtsey of my Mom. Next week I'll have to share with you the adventure I had with Mom when she visited me this past weekend.

Priceless

2007-10-22T22:36:00.000-04:00

How much would you spend to have a meaningful conversation with a friend?

Dinner at your favorite restaurant (Chips N' Salsa anyone) for $20
A gift card to buy that coveted birthday gift (the big overpriced jewelry box at the home store going bankrupt)
$200 to a total stranger to spend an hour and a half on a heated seat in a gigantic SUV?

That's right Tom, I'll take #3 for the block. (7 points to the person who can name this game show).

Well I love my friend so much that I paid $200 so that I could get alone time with her. I am such a great friend!

Here's the scoop. Last Saturday after my insanely-priced, fabulously smelling, grossly addicting basket party, I got locked out of my house. I was helping said-friend pack up her wares and she shut the door behind her as she didn't want my felonians to escape (she is so thoughtful). It was locked. See, I have one of those stupid door knobs which you can turn even though the lock is set.

I had just received my extra set of keys back from the cat sitter (and they were sitting on the kitchen table), thus my hidden keys which are usually hidden outside were not hidden. Nope, they were in plain sight, of course INSIDE the house. Why don't I break a window you ask?

I am wearing slippers and no coat and it's about 40 degrees
It is dark outside and the only light we have is what a cell phone gives off
There is nothing in her car that lends itself to glass breakage
I am a klutz
Breaking a window means fixing a window
Breaking a window means a trip to the ER

What to do but call a locksmith? Sounds easy enough, right. Well, not really. I finally got someone with a pulse (after three trys) but his English, not so good. He said he had to charge me $200 on the spot to even show up, and it would be a while. With no options, I had to give.

The silver lining with this is that I got to spend some alone time with my friend who does a great cow-imitation (wonderful party trick). I learned so much about her, and she about me. Weird thing is we both thought the other had it all together. It made me realize that we all put on different and effective masks.

Anyhoo, a long time later Mr. Mespeakspoorenglish shows up. His license plates are from a state other than where I reside. He takes these two metal toothpicks and jams them in my front door lock and starts going to town. There is no rhyme. There is no reason. He is just fiddling with the metal toothpicks. No dice. He gets out a larger set of metal toothpicks and the process repeats. Again, nothing. Finally, he pulls out a blood pressure cuff device and puts all his weight on my door to reveal a teeny-tiny smurf sized crack between the door and the jam. He places the blood pressure cuff thingy in this crack and inflates the cuff (puff puff puff). In a jiffy, he uses a metal nail file to reach in and push the locking mechanism open. Presto! I'm home again.

The moral of the story: If you lock yourself out of the house, multi-task by having a great conversation with a friend. Also, do not tell your parents about this expedition when they come over because they will try to hide all sorts of keys outside of your house in obvious locations for when it happens again.

Midas Love Sparkles

2007-10-11T19:22:00.000-04:00

And I even have it in writing! Midas sent me a special present this week. I had an idea that the gift was coming.

Now you must be thinking, ooo-ahh, a bag of D*ove chocolate. Big-whop-de-do. Well, the part that surprised me was the message on the inside.

Isn't that special!

*5 pts to the person who can name the character whose line I stole.

Cat Fax

2007-10-02T22:54:00.001-04:00

I have two cats. I love my cats. They are my babies, my friends, and my companions. I have always had an affection for felines. It began even before I was born. My parents had two Siamese cats, Tomasina and her son Jake I. By the time I was born, they were onto Jake II. Jake II laid with me in my crib. He was my protector. He passed away when I was six years old, shortly after this picture was taken. (Jake is the brown blob I am holding down...Sorry Jake, I was six, I didn't know any better).

We were sans chat until I turned ten. We adopted Jake III from a friend. Jake had a sleepover with a friend's cat and a few months later Sigue came to live with us. Finally Sigue had a litter of kittens and the house was full of felines! We kept Caesar, a blue point, from this brood.

Jake III and Sigue are now on that big scratching post in the sky but Caesar is still hanging in there.

Not until now, have I realized with my own two critters (Abbey and Eva), the following facts about cats.

If you can't find the cat, she is under the bed.

Cats are voyeurs. I haven't showered alone in ages.

Kitty dust makes you fall asleep. If you have a cat in your lap and she sprinkles her magic kitty dust on you, you WILL fall asleep.

If a cat sees that a door is closed, she will meow until you open it for her, tear inside the room, and then loose interest.

When a cat pukes, it will be on the carpet, even if the tile floor is millimeters away.

If you say "What do you say?" to a cat, she will meow.

Kitty dust makes you feel better when you are sick.

Cats are sneaky. Abbey jumps into bed with me every morning around 7:15. I get up at 7:20. She thinks she's I'm stupid and will believe that she has been in bed all night, but I'm on to her.

Cats cling to you when you return home from vacation.

I really want another cat.

See, there is plenty of room on the bed for another feline!

Mom's Merry Mondays

2007-09-30T21:05:00.000-04:00

Now Mom is sending me pumpkin porn in preparation for Halloween. Did I mention she is 72?

With Halloween Around the Corner I Have to Post Something Scary

2007-09-30T19:55:00.000-04:00

To keep each other happy Midas and I send pictures back and forth to one another. His pictures are interesting to say the least. I've received photos of him in front of a tank, in a cave, looking like GI Joe, and my personal favorite, his facial hair progression.

These pictures are downright scary. (Stacie, you are hereby warned not to proceed in reading this post).

Midas' countenance with bearding resembles that of a homicidal axe maniac. If you read my earlier post regarding the freak who I am afraid is going to kill me at work and chop me up into 17 bits N' pieces, this is what I assume he will look like.

Creepy, huh. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Midas, and think he is a very attractive man. Of course, those feelings come when he is clean shaven and doesn't have his hair greased back with 4 weeks worth of boat mung.

To get back at him for sending me these kind of scary/graphic pictures, I just sent him one that will chill his very bones. He fears this more than anything else.

For those of you scratching your heads about now, I guess it is important to know that I have two cats and have really been jonesing for another.

My Opinoin Counts

2007-09-25T21:29:00.000-04:00

Or so it seems. I've lived at my current phone number for about 3 and a half years. Approximately 2 years ago I started to get survey based phone calls. At first it was random, maybe one call every 6 or so months. Now, I get calls biweekly, usually on Saturday. Since I lead a lonely existence on the weekends, I usually am more than willing to talk to these telemarketers. But I do try to make my experience a fun one. First, I always ask them how I was selected. Their canned response is via a random number generation process. I say "gee I must be very nonrandom as your company calls me at least twice a month. I've taken many surveys with you" and then I ramble on about the topics which I've been surveyed.

They include the following:

Sharpie Markers
Political Candidates
Banks
Grocery Stores
Local TV Newscasters and Weather-folk
VCRs & DVD players (They had to cut this survey short as I don't own a DVD player)
Discount Chain Stores
Post-it Notes
Credit Cards

After I drone on for at least 3 minutes as to how nonrandom I am I ask about the topic. If it's interesting I say shoot. If it's not interesting, I tell them that I have no opinions on that subject and that I will talk to them next week. Once we start in on the Likert scale items, I always act confused. "Now did you say that 1 means very likely or not likely at all". I also like to ask them questions about the question and ask them to spell out long words for me. I will sometime say "I don't know, what do you think"? At the end of the survey I never give them correct bio/demo information. I always give them my standard age, more diverse racial background, over educate myself, give myself a different job, etc.

So next time you think no one cares about what you have to say, come answer my phone on a Saturday afternoon.

Mom's Merry Mondays

2007-09-24T00:01:00.000-04:00

OK, I just want you all to remember that my MOTHER is sending me these postings via email. She is the one who is demented. Not me.

This one she called Senior Eye Test

Time for another vision test

Bag Hag or Shoe Whore?

2007-09-23T16:43:00.000-04:00

A while back TKW's Wild Card Wednesday encouraged us to show our shoes. Being a self-proclaimed shoe whore I really wanted to participate in her game. However at that time I had no digital camera since Midas took our camera with him and I still had not purchased one for me to use in his absence.

But, I had to have a camera for Vegas (and bought one two weeks ago). So today I thought that I'd fill my lonely Sunday by taking pictures of my shoes. Below is what I could gather. A few things to keep in mind as you view my footwear.

I only included shoes in my closet and ones scattered in my bedroom and office. I didn't grab my hiking or snow boots and my old sneakers that I keep in the garage for working outside as they are yucky.

I did include "costume" shoes as these are kept in the closet (i.e. pair of white platform shoes worn with my 1970s party outfit)

There are a few pairs of shoes that I haven't worn in years (the dyed-to-match bridesmaid shoes worn in my SIL's wedding). However since I am a pack rat it is next to impossible for me to get rid of shoes. I even keep old keds. I have several pairs of well-love keds in the garage in case I need to work out in the yard. Those who know me will understand that these keds never get worn.

You will note that there are only 1 pair of flip flops. I do have another pair but I can't find them. I have a feeling that they still may be in Vegas as I wear them as slippers in hotel rooms. Anyhoo, I never got on the flip flop bandwagon, and Midas HATES flip flops (and sweatsuits too). To me, flip flops are for the beach or to be worn as slippers in hotel rooms. The only other time you will see me in flip flops is when I have to take something out into the garage and I can't find my red shoes (bottom row, 7th pair from the left).

Many of my shoes (approximately 25%) only match one outfit. Most of these are heels.

I tend not to wear my favorite shoes that often. I'm not sure what I'm saving them for but I guess I am just afraid that I might wear them out and I want them to last forever!

First, my favorite dress shoes (surprise surprise...they are sparkly!) I actually won an award for these shoes several years ago. Midas and I were at a Christmas party and his boss was a bit tipsy. He was running around the room awarding titles such as "you have the best dress", "you have the best hair", my award was "you have the best shoes". I felt so special.

These two pairs of shoes are my favorite going out shoes. They don't get a lot of feet time though (see footnote 6). I do not show favoritism. The brown pair is for brown outfits, the black pair for black outfits. Easy breezy tuscanyezy.

And here my friends it the collection. Makes me wanna go shopping. Oh well, there is always next weekend.

So what are you? Bag hag or shoe whore?

Cell Block S

2007-09-20T17:26:00.000-04:00

I got paid to stand around and worry today. The offices at my place of employment are moving to a temporary space during a massive construction project and today was moving day! Our current building is being renovated (it will eventually become a gym/fitness center) and our new building is only I-beams and bulldozers at this point.

While I'm not the lowest person on the totem pole, I did get the short end of the stick with my new "office". Eventually, my "office" will become an equipment room that stores balls, bats, jump ropes, etc. In essence, it is a concrete cell block. No window. Interior room with one door. No power. No phone. The echo is TERRIBLE. And, if I need to tinkle, I just walk out the door of my office seeing as how it is in the ladies' locker room!

To make it habitable (ha!), they put a phone jack and outlet on the wall, added a piece of crappy indoor/outdoor carpet on the floor, and put sound-absorbing panels on the walls. OK, these quasi-acoustical tiles look like a four-year old got busy with his Daddy's tools and put a scrap of carpet on a bulletin board.

The next 15 months of my professional life will be spent in this cell block. Can you see my enthusiasm?

I can deal with the ugliness of my new abode. I'll bring in a desk lamp. I put up some personal trinkets. It's not that bad, right your saying?

Oh contrare! My "office" is off the beaten track. I'm isolated. Someone is going to corner me in my space, kill me, and then cut me up into teeny tiny bits. The vermin in the building will detect the smell after a couple of weeks and come nibble on my remains. Finally, when we go to move into the new building in 15 months, the moving men will stumble upon my skeleton and my ghost will haunt the new inhabitants of the gym/fitness center and it will go out of business. All because no one had the foresight to put me in a safer space. Gee, gotta love being a state employee.

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

2007-09-18T22:16:00.000-04:00

And in many instances, I am glad! *sparkles* et al (2007) just returned from Vegas and man did we see some tacky, bizarre, and humorous things. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera handy for all these sightings, but here are a few of my favorites.

I hope these superheros stay in Vegas. Merryville is just a little too conservative for Wonder Woman.

I've seen no entry signs, no food or beverage signs, but this no pregnancy sign takes the cake.

This is definitely a fashion DON'T!

Mom's Merry Mondays

2007-09-10T15:29:00.000-04:00

Some people are dog people. Other people are cat people. I'm an Other. Mom is too. One of my vocab words which I often have to explain to my friends is "felonian". It is somewhat of a contraction of the terms feline and felon.

fel·o·ni·an [fel·o·nē·uh n]
-noun
1. a feline who is up to no good
2. a cat

[Origin: 2006]

Anyway, Mom recently sent me the quintessential picture demonstrating this concept which I will be submitting to Webster's next time they are considering new words.

Wasted Vacation Day

2007-09-10T15:13:00.000-04:00

There are certain things in this life that I don't believe in. I don't believe that people should have to pay for trash removal. Men shouldn't have back hair. And most importantly, I shouldn't have to waste a vacation day to fix a toilet. It's just not right!

However, since Midas was not here to solve the pipe problem, I had to suck it up and stay home to babysit the house waiting for the plumber. The guy spent a few minutes looking up in the hole Midas' dad cut out yesterday while I was upstairs flushing commodes and running water in the sinks. After a several trips up and down the stairs the plumber determined that the PVC pipe under the potty was leaking. There was no visible crack but apparently the Romper Room reject who installed said pipe didn't prime and prepare it before applying the adhesive. Hence, my issue.

Three hours and several hundred dollars later, there is no more leaky leaky. However, I am now out 7 hours of vacation time.

Water Woes

2007-09-09T15:08:00.000-04:00

Why is it that something so vital to survival has made mine intolerable. Ever since we moved into the house on the hill, water has not been my friend.

The trouble began a few weeks after we first inhabited this abode. A terrible storm brought wetness into Midas' water closet. After lengthy inspection of the attic area above the dampened drywall, he couldn't find the source. And as with many problems to which he cannot find the answer, Midas neglected it and went about his business.

The next issue arose when the pipes in my powder room froze and would not let the water flow freely when the temperature fell below 20. This dilemma however I solved (Midas didn't do anything on this one) by opening the cabinet doors to allow warm air to hit the pipes and let a small trickle of water run to keep things kosher.

The worst water woe occurred in March when we had a horrendous flood in the basement. I still get teary eyed when I think about it so I'll spare you the details on that one. Luckily he was on land and was at least able to come on and contribute to the drama.

Water returned in Midas' lavatory last spring once again and he still found no source. Instead of insisting that a roofer fix whatever issue we had, he patched up the hole and left me with an unsolved mystery.

Then, last week whilst I was enjoying my labor-free Labor Day, I noticed a wet spot on my kitchen ceiling. I took a few measurements (yes, I know, *sparkles* doing something handy???) and found out that the wet spot was in the same vicinity as the damp drywall in the bathroom upstairs, just down a level. I had a handyman coworker of mine come and give his best opinion on it Friday night. He said he thought it was from the roof.

I totally lost it. Once again, I have to deal with a house problem and Midas is nowhere to be found. I did what any self-respecting socialite would do. I called Midas' daddy and asked him to come and figure out what was wrong since his son had left me with a pickle on my hands.

So, my in-laws drove two hours last night so that this morning he could cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling to expose the culprit. A nasty piece of PVC pipe that is spilling its goods. The plumber is coming tomorrow morning.

Now my plan to get a new TV, handbag, and matching shoes are dissolved just like the piece of drywall that came crumbling down from the ceiling.

'this thing' which tells time

2007-09-04T20:05:00.000-04:00

I received a call from Midas Saturday morning. While I was happy to hear his voice, I could also hear the voices of Others in the background. No, he wasn't LOST on the island, he was shopping. The voices I heard were those of the salesman and his liberty buddy, Cinderella.

Cinderella was razzing him. Telling him that he shouldn't have called me for permission. Now, Midas wasn't asking for permission to make his purchase, instead he wanted me contact the credit card company to make sure the charge would go through. Additionally, he wanted to soften the blow which was about to come with a second phone call an hour later. Baby steps, so to speak.

Midas and I first window shopped for this trinket in the Bahamas. I had no problem with him wanting such a bobble. He is very deserving of it after all.

An hour later the phone rings again. He's now at Chili's, eating chips N' salsa in my honor. I bought it, he says. I am stunned. He got it without me. He didn't put pictures of it in my LOOK! magazine. He didn't subtly bring it up during dinner conversation. He didn't ask Santa to bring it for him for Christmas.

Nope, he whipped out the plastic and charged $3,848.20 for his toy. It is selfwinding, has a steel case, blue dial, silver subdials, withstands overpressure of 30 bars, is protected against shocks and he selected the pilot bracelet in steel. Oh, and it has "this thing" which tells time.

30 bonus points to the first person to name the movie from which I stole the title for this post.

Mom's Merry Mondays

2007-09-03T12:46:00.000-04:00

Here's another gem, courtesy of Mom:

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her step-mom to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

Long Lost Love

2007-09-01T19:35:00.000-04:00

It's been such a long time seen I've seen or heard from one of the greatest loves of my life. He leaves me regularly but always returns just when I fear I will never get to hold him again or taste his sweetness in my mouth. I only met him a few years ago but when he's around I am in heaven! You might think that Midas would be jealous of him. No, in fact Midas was with me when we were introduced. Furthermore, Midas even encouraged our relationship by bringing home his brother.

Today, I thought is September 1st, he has to be back in town by now. I searched around, knowing, feeling, and longing to find him. After several miles and hours of searching, we were reunited.

Welcome Back Baby, I've missed you!

Cleaning House

2007-08-26T11:24:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate to clean. In fact, I have a "maid brigade" come once a month to clean my house. While I don't think they earn their pay, it is more than I ever do, except for when I am bored to tears. This my blogging friends is what happened last night. I had nothing to do. NOTHING. I had: watched TV until the sound went out (another post in and of itself), had eaten more salty snacks than my body could handle, and napped until I couldn't. So, I started cleaning.

Except, instead of rubber gloves and Spic-N-Span cleaning, I cleaned my computer. I am a pack rat when it comes to keeping stuff on my computer. Old emails, lists of random stuff, and websites du jour clutter my desktop. However, what I found last night made me laugh. You see, over the past few months, almost all of my posse has moved away leaving just BeBe and I to fend for ourselves. Before our friends flew the coup, we had going away dinners/parties for them. And for each friend, I made a special gift.

For Scarlett, I created photo story book. For my other friends, while I created something I never gave it to them. I am not sure why. I ran across one of these gifts last night. It is silly and will only be meaningful to it's intended recipient so I need to explain it to the rest of you.

Before my working pal left, she had TONS of sick leave to burn though. She kept coming up with mysterious illnesses, rashes, migraines, etc. to take days off. As such, I thought she might need a new list of excuses for her new job when she wants a day off. Some I took from the Internet, others I wrote on my own. Here you go Dee...hope that you can use up your sick days now with better excuses! Love, Sparkles.

Top Ten Excuses Why Dee Can't Go to Work Today

I can't(grunt) come in to (grunt) work today, I HAVE (grunt) EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA!!!!!!
I can’t come to work because the aliens are coming tonight and I'm baking cakes to give to them as peace offerings.
I saved so much money by switching to Geico I don't have to work today.
I can't come into work today, I have anal glaucoma. What? I can't see my butt coming into work!!!
I couldn't find a spot to park (oh that’s right, you are no longer at the Thames campus)
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb."
"I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Ghetto Shop Rite."
I have a bit of a problem. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to get it out.
I was putting on my timewise lotion when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
My basement is flooding!

Mom's Merry Mondays

2007-08-20T23:12:00.001-04:00

The Apple Never Falls Far From the Tree

2007-08-20T22:39:00.000-04:00

Several years ago I would have been terribly offended if someone said that I was like my mother. However, as I grow wiser, I realize that she and I are more alike than I ever thought possible, and I am OK with that. At first, you might think the resemblance stems from the fact that both of us are almost always wearing at least 10K worth of bling (however Mom usually outshines me by at least double or triple that). Well, yes that is true but we are both also extremely cheap. She taught me to love shopping (she is one of the few people who can keep up with my marathon shopping) and passed on her fervor for a bargain. However, most of all Mom and I are most alike when it comes to our sense of humor. We appear all sweet and innocent on the outside but then you get to know us.

A little more about Mom...

Mom is 72 years young
Mom was peach queen at the county fair as a teenager after her sister's signed her up as a joke (she hates being the center of attention)
Mom got a pacemaker last year
Mom taught typing and shorthand as a high school business teacher. She used to write what we were getting for Christmas in shorthand. I hated that.
Mom got a computer three years ago
Mom thinks I am 1-800-Tech-Support

Anyhoo, every now and then Mom sends me atrocious joke emails. They are so raunchy and distasteful that I am often ashamed of her, OK well not really, in fact I'm proud of my mom for her sense of humor. As such, I'm devoting Mondays to my Mom. Every Monday I will try to post one of Mom's crazy jokes. Thanks Mom for making me laugh...I love you.

Not So Popular Culture

2007-08-14T22:01:00.000-04:00

Back in the olden days, communications between loved ones on deployed submarines consisted of random mail drops and the infamous 50 word censored messages know as a "family gram". Today, Uncle Sam has traversed into 20th century and allows our brave men the privilege of "Sailormail". Unreliable, slow, and often edited electronic messages travel to and from the boat as a means of moral in a can. As fabulous as it might sound, Sailormail is fraught with issues.

Aside from the myriad of typical problems people experience with email, Sailormail has it's own special complications. First, stupid people will often try to transmit sensitive data. Other people will write Dear John letters and cause Sailors great sorrow. And in some instances, the postmaster thing-a-ma-jig will eat an email and it never gets to your Sailor.

However, these are not my conundrums.

My enigma is what on Earth should I write?

An average email to Midas outlines my day:

I. Morning

A. Cat fight woke me up at 4AM

B. Hit snooze button only 3 times this today

C. Had another wardrobe malfunction when I spill coffee on my pants

II. While at work

A. Phone rang off the hook

B. Saw tons of people

III. After work

A. Chatted with babes online

B. Ate edamame

C. Cats raced down the hall fighting

After numerous emails I grew tired of this routine. It was not fun for either of us!

Now, if something exciting happens, I am sure to detail it...but his emails mostly consist of quizzes. Ok, I know what you are thinking. What kind of sadistic, sassy, yet sparkly gal is this? Well, Midas is not known for his proficiency in pop culture. Therefore, I am trying to help him learn by giving him short tests designed to teach him a bit more about what life will be like on the outside. At the same time it is a bonus day as I have solved my quandary of what to send him.

While I usually am not in the habit of sharing other's academic information, I will say that Midas' first quiz was terrible. Since then he has improved...somewhat. This time he got a 50%. Of course, he did have help. Cheater!

See how you do!

1. To whom is soccer star David Beckham married?

2. Name 1 VH1 reality TV program.

3. Who are the judges on American Idol?

4. Carrie on the HBO show Sex in the City loves her "Manola Blahnik's". What are Manola Blahnik's?

Running Wild

2007-08-11T22:20:00.001-04:00

My imagination often runs wild. Actually, run is not exactly the appropriate verb. I would dare say that it sprints more than runs if you want to get technical. The sprint is sort of reminiscent of the 50-yard dash that I remember doing in 4th grade, lots of anticipation, a few seconds of a rapid heartbeat, and then a collapse onto the grass totally out of breath. And since I never run or sprint for that matter, unless my life depends on it, my imagination only gets the better of me when I feel that I am about to meet my maker.

Since I have been sans Midas, I've been sprinting much more. Tonight is a good case in point. It was a lonely day today. Midas woke me up three times in the last few days. His last call was around 8:30 this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep after talking to him. I spent my day cycling between computing, watching the TV, and napping. I did a quick jaunt to the Ocean Store, the Dollar Mart, Kohls, & Wallys, but ended up burning a boring Jennifer Garner flick after dinner. I got up to tinkle around 9:15 and noticed very bright headlights in the street outside my house. They were so bright that they truly caught your eyes. So much so that I had to spy out of the narrow windows beside the front door. As I watched, a second car with equally bright headlights pulled up next to the first car. Then they sat.

At this point, my imagination went for sneakers.

I turned on the house lights, flickered with them a bit pretending to have hit the wrong switch but left the front light on to signal that I was home. Still needing to tinkle, I did my business and returned to my watch-post. The cars were still there. I thought to myself that they would go away if I did as well, so I returned to the boring movie.

Now my imagination is stretching and is getting on the mark waiting to hear the announcement of Ready, Set, Go!!!!

After a few minutes, I just had to check on the status of the cars. Damn! They were still there after all that time. What were they doing? Why were they parked outside MY house? Didn't they know that my imagination was trying to win a gold medal at this point?

Half way down the track...

What else could I do except call my go-to gal, BeBe. Surely she would know what to do. So I called her to see at what point I should call the cops as it was obvious that these two cars were plotting the demise of *Sparkles*. By this time it was 9:30 and the sprint had morphed into 5K. Of course, BeBe made me call the fuzz immediately. The dispatcher was less than sympathetic to my plight but none-the-less sent out Merryville's finest. By 9:35 a townie with red & blue flashing lights pulled up behind the two idling vehicles.

My pulse was a full speed ahead now, racing toward the finish line.

However, there was no fanfare. No medal. No congratulatory plaque.

The cop got out, went up to the car, and in less than 20 seconds all three drove away into the darkness. And I collasped onto the sofa, out of breath from all the drama.

*Sparkles*

Change

Inspired

Seven

I've Been Robbed

Goodbye 2007

Best Day After Christmas Shopping Ever

Can I Get Fries With That?

Traditions

Today I Wore P*R*A*D*A

Scarlett is Making Me Share

The Muzzy

Four Play

PG

Birthday Wishes

Mom's Merry Mondays

Priceless

Midas Love Sparkles

Cat Fax

Mom's Merry Mondays

With Halloween Around the Corner I Have to Post Something Scary

My Opinoin Counts

Mom's Merry Mondays

Bag Hag or Shoe Whore?

Cell Block S

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

Mom's Merry Mondays

Wasted Vacation Day

Water Woes

'this thing' which tells time

Mom's Merry Mondays

Long Lost Love

Cleaning House

Mom's Merry Mondays

The Apple Never Falls Far From the Tree

Not So Popular Culture

Running Wild

Sparkles

Today I Wore PRADA